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There are not really words when your favorite team signs your least favorite player.

He is old and injury-prone.

He wears his sobriety on his sleeve as a ready-made excuse to stay infantilized.

Using his blue eyes as an excuse for a slump.

Wife holds all his money.

Needs a permanent babysitter.

Slumps with swagger like no player in history.

Remember when he dropped the ball in the most critical game of the season? Jogging toward the dugout and did not even notice he was choking.